Writing a book is as easy as eating pie with your hands. Messy. Messy. Messy. Do I need to say it again? Messy. Now, especially for you writers, I have devised a short guide to help you turn your books from chaos to organized chaos. This will be the first in series of guides on the writing process. In this guide, we will specifically cover what not to do. What was that you ask? What not to do? You can’t be serious? Really?

WRITERS, I AM SERIOUS!

Please take note of the egregiously enlarged text above. Did you read it? Reread it! Good. Now read it again. Do you understand me? Before you get to all your revising and editing it’s a good idea to know what not to do.

1. Do not, not eat chocolate?

• Writers, unless you are lactose intolerant, this applies to you. It is imperative that you feed your brain with endorphins. If you can’t eat chocolate then exercise. If you can eat chocolate, seriously you need exercise too or else you know what’s going to happen.

2. Do not start revising and editing right away!

• So you just finished your first draft and you say to yourself, “I gotta revise and edit this bad boy.” Stop. Just stop. Writers, I know you heard me the first time. Stop it. You need to let that story cool off. It’s fresh out of the oven and it’s hot. If you get to close you might get burned. So cool it and take a break. Maybe celebrate a little and watch some TV. Don’t forget your notepad to brainstorm some fresh ideas. If you can, try to work on another book or project. When you come back to it you’ll be able to look at your book more objectively.

3. Thou shalt not revise and edit without a deadline.

• As with all things about writing there must needs be a deadline. No, I’m not talking about a line that is dead. I am talking about a date, at time, yes a very specific moment that you devise in your little cranium to complete your this portion of the writing process. Be bold, you can count it down to second if you wish. Although I wouldn’t recommend it. Minutes are much easier to count. Save the date. Pretend like you’re preparing for your wedding day! You don’t want to miss it, even if you do have cold feet.

4. Thou shalt not revise and edit thy book silently.

• I know you’re doing it, writers. Many of you don’t like the sound of your voice. But do you want to know the secret! It’s not your voice it’s your writing. Well, honestly, it’s probably a little bit of both. No matter the sound of your voice. Whether it’s high like squirrel and or low like hippopotamus you need to read it out loud. You voice in your head doesn’t always make sense on paper. Read it out loud. Just do it. You’ll thank me later.

5. Never shalt thou revise and edit at the same time!

• Writers, you know you do it! Remember that the writing process is flexible, but it is best to stay focus on one part of it at a time. Revising your book requires that you alter and reconsider it’s structure, plot, characters, etc. It all depends on whether you are writing a non-fiction book on how to make blueberry pancakes or if you writing the next great American novel about a chicken farm in Alaska. Editing tends to get down to the details of the grammar, style, and overall mechanics of your book. I know you perfections are going to struggle with this one. You see that error and you just want to correct it! Keep in mind if you do all your editing first you may end up doing a lot more of it after you find that your revisions have changed much of what you wrote.

Remember, writers, these rules are not etched in stone and may not work for you! As Dr. Whitehall often said in new hit T.V. Series Agents of Shield, “Discovery requires experimentation.” For once maybe the villain was actually onto something! Good luck!